Where’s the Fire?
Let’s straighten out a metaphor
This post confuses me. First, what is supposed to be the fire in this analogy? Is it abortion? Pregnancy? The babies themselves?? Just what are these things supposed to “extinguish”?
Besides, fire isn’t always bad. Fire is one of the things that enables humanity to survive in every environment. Fire gives us warmth, cooking, transportation, manufacturing, and myriad other gifts. No one could be “against” fire itself, except people with an irrational phobia. Is that what this post is saying about the pro-life cause?
After mulling it over for quite some time, I found a different approach.
Fires of Passion
Sex is like fire. It’s a mysterious and powerful force, with enormous potential for either creation or destruction. People instinctively understand that. The metaphor shows up in literature, poetry, songs, and even in the simplest terms that we use to talk about it. (“I’m so hot for you…”)
So what is sex education? At its best, it would be a fire safety course. Respect the fire. Don’t play with matches or other incendiaries. Here’s what you can do if fire gets out of control. Try not to let that happen. Only use fire in a designated place, like a fire pit, a fireplace, or a furnace.
What are those designated places? Well, for sex, they would be variations on one thing: marriage. At the very least, a committed, trusting relationship is the only place where sex is really “safe”. We can use various methods to guard against disease and pregnancy, but we neglect the psychological and emotional aspects of sex at our peril. We do not fully understand how it affects us, but we do know that it forms a deep bond of vulnerability between two people. Therein lies much of its power.
When is sex good/creative? When it is respected in this way. Sex can foster an environment of trust, of safety, of intimacy and affection, like nothing else can. It can literally create life — I mean, it’s how we all got here. (Unless some of you are clones or androids in disguise! 😉) When sex is used to create a stable relationship, that relationship can be the source of a healthy and welcoming environment for children, whether or not they came from that relationship in the first place. Children need stability. They need to see that their parents care about and are committed to each other, that they’re not just using one another for personal enjoyment until the next pretty face comes along.
When is sex bad/destructive? One hardly needs to ask. Just a glance at the news or social media will offer a thousand examples of betrayal, dissatisfaction, abuse, abandonment, trauma, and other effects of sexual misuse. Some are deliberate arson, such as rape and assault. Others are careless sparks that start a forest fire. Still others are the result of firebugs: obsessive experimenters who just can’t get enough. And obviously, no sexual relationship is perfect. Furnaces and forges can break or malfunction, causing tragic house fires. No one wants any of that.
A Nation of Firebugs
One of the biggest problems we face in “firefighting” — that is, trying to contain or eliminate the effects of sexual brokenness — is that for several decades, America (or even Western culture as a whole) has been telling itself that furnaces, fireplaces, and forges are the problem. We’ve pointed to the house fires and concluded that the way to prevent them is to stop confining the fire. We’ve championed free experimentation and expression of fire, and in so doing, have created a society of firebugs.
Some might object to that word as too extreme, but I stand by it. Popular songs, TV shows, and movies continually depict marriage as the place where sexual passion goes to die, whereas unlimited casual sex is depicted as normal, healthy, expected, and fun for all concerned. In metaphorical terms, we are bombarded by the message that furnaces are the most boring thing ever and that playing with matches/lighters/etc. is not only safe, but the best possible way to use fire. Not only that, but the more fires someone starts, the more social status they seem to get. Someone who can’t get a fire started, or chooses not to play with matches, is derided; “virgin-shamed”. We’re told that the simple and sole purpose of fire is enjoyment. So instead of using fire to create or protect, people seek out incendiaries that will give the biggest bang for their buck.
Into this milieu comes the question of sex ed. For generations now, it has been argued that teenagers are going to experiment with sex anyway, so why not teach them how to do it safely? (Interestingly, we don’t think that way about real fire, or about drugs or many other things that some teenagers experiment with.) And for a while, that’s what it was. A simple message of “this is how sex works for human beings, these are some of the potential pitfalls, and these are some ways to avoid them.” Much like a fire safety course, some of these courses also taught abstinence, as lampooned on The Simpsons: “Now that you know how it’s done, don’t do it!”
Fast forward to today. Worried by a huge rash of explosions and wildfires, adults have settled on a new fire safety rule: Only those who want the fire should have it. No one is allowed to start a fire with anyone who doesn’t feel like doing it at the moment. This is the “consent” standard. And it clashes harshly with the idea that’s been the norm for decades: that stifling one’s fire-desires is always and only bad, that free expression of fire is the ultimate good. With these two conflicting messages, fire safety education becomes a complex dance of trying to affirm every form of pleasure while trying to protect against the consequences of carelessness. And that’s not even touching such things as “drag queen story hour” and gender identity lessons in kindergarten, or the way “biology” has become something of a dirty word regarding sex and gender.
So where does that leave the church?
Volunteer Firefighters Vilified
With the culture at large shoving every kind of sex in our faces all day every day, we object — and we’re the ones labeled as “obsessed with sex”. People accuse Christians of being “anti-sex”, Puritans afraid of pleasure, or tyrants bent on controlling everyone’s bodies. Imagine a culture where anyone who thought fire belongs in a fireplace, and objected to playing with matches, was derided! Imagine an entire society opposed to any form of fire-fighting on the principle of “mind your own business”!
That’s not to say that we’re guiltless. Those house fires have too often been in our churches. (I’ve described one possible reason for that in my Post-Baptist Therapy series.) And yes, much of the time, our message has been one of too-simplistic denial, or of far too rigid standards of behavior. But it does not follow that any restrictions on fire are oppressive or impractical.
Practicality was what my sister argued when I objected to the post at the beginning. Given a nation of firebugs causing all kinds of wildfires and explosions, surely it makes sense to provide them with fire extinguishers and fire safety education, right? Hopefully that’ll help them make better decisions. And I’m inclined to agree. More knowledge and guidance is usually better.
So why are so many Christians opposed to “comprehensive sex education and affordable access to birth control”?
I’ll cover both only briefly. As I described above, sex ed has long since ceased to be fire safety education. Instead, it’s become a means of promoting the firebug mentality of “if it feels good, don’t let anyone tell you it’s wrong” along with the confusing, contradictory doctrine of consent. (What if your feelings of discomfort are interpreted as bigotry? Nobody wins here!)
Birth control gets a lot messier. Some pro-life conservatives are fine with it in principle, but object to anyone being forced to pay for it or provide it against their will. Others are fine with most forms, except the kinds that prevent pregnancy by destroying an already formed zygote or embryo. Still others, including me, see any form of chemical birth control as a concession to the firebug mentality, the removal of sex from any procreative context in order to make it solely about expression and entertainment. Here’s the article that convinced me. However, even with all of that, there’s a practical argument to be made, and my sister made it: that even if birth control is problematic, it’s by far the lesser evil than abortion. Why not promote it as a step in the right direction?
Fighting Fire With Fire
I’ve heard such arguments for years now. Compromise and half measures have been standard procedure for the pro-life movement since I first became aware of it. It seems to me that we’ve focused so much on the lesser of two evils that we’ve lost sight of the best God has for us. By all means, let’s promote education and responsibility as much as we can. But let’s base it on the truth about human sexuality.
The truth is, fireplaces are awesome! Furnaces and forges and the other “restrictions” on fire are actually the best ways to release its full potential for good. Do they come with their own challenges? Absolutely. Marriage takes self-sacrifice, patience, and hard work, just like a fireplace or a furnace takes a lot more construction and maintenance than a one-time lighting of a firecracker. But a firecracker won’t keep you warm at night. Even a simple, temporary campfire in the woods (cohabitation?) won’t withstand the floods and blizzards of life. And a fireworks display will never forge metal.
Popular culture and entertainment continually proclaim, “Sex is for fun, life is for fun, and having the most fun possible is the only reason to do anything.” The church has either said, “Sex is for fun and fun is bad!” or “Sex is not for fun at all, it’s only for procreation.” How about a different message?
Sex is amazing and powerful. And with great power comes great responsibility. With great responsibility — that is, with care and dedication — comes great possibility. And yes, part of that can be fun. It can also change people’s lives and the world for the better. It can demonstrate the love and goodness of the God who created it. It can be a way to worship Him.
So no, I’m not against fire OR fire extinguishers. I’m against arson, carelessness, and lies. I’m a firefighter.