Three #MeToo Wishes

An attempt at a lighter mood

(Walking beside the beach, scrolling through my news feed)

Ugh. I’m so sick of all this knee-jerk reaction and hashtivism. The rage and hypocrisy are driving me nuts. I quit! (Throws phone in the ocean)

(Bubbles and steam emerge from where it hit the water, forming a cloud that wafts toward me…)

POOF!

I am the genie of Real-world Effectiveness.

What?!

By swearing off virtual interactions, you have awakened an ancient cosmic force for the good.

Really??

I will grant you three wishes…but they must be related to the topic that was blowing up your news feed the moment you threw it away. Choose wisely.

Oh. Okay, um…here goes. I wish that if anyone rapes someone, the rapist will suffer immediate and obvious consequences. Like…the rapist’s genitals shrink by an inch.

Done. And your second wish?

Wow. Well, that should clear up some of the confusion. But also, I wish that anyone who brings false accusations, in speech or writing or typing or anything, will break out in hives all over their face. Temporary, but very unpleasant.

Done. And for your third wish?

Well…(sigh). I guess what I really wish is that our society as a whole would approach sex with respect, as a way to build intimacy with another person and potentially create life, not just as a bodily function, entertainment, or a status symbol.

Done, done, done, done. Done, done, done, done. (Strangely musical tones)

(Waking up to my alarm clock ringtone)

DRAT!