I can answer your question for at least one woman: yes, I love my man. But then, I am a weird woman, and he is a weird man. He is, in fact, the most honest, realistic, brave, sensitive, strong, compassionate, smart, and responsible person I know. I could go on and on. Do I always express that love in ways that make him feel loved? Probably not. But I try. I had to ask him how to do that, too. It doesn’t come naturally and is probably different for everyone.

As for fairy tales? Pshh. Marriage as an endless romance where each member of the couple worships the other? No. Give me the story of the two who are completely committed to building a stable haven from the cruel world for each other and for their children. Not searching for a “soul mate” or the right person to meet their own needs.

I think men and women, but especially women, have been fed way too much of the narrative that romance and marriage is all about finding someone who can be everything to you. (*Cough* romance novels *cough*.) And the truth is, no one person can give you everything you need. Then women blame men for not living up to their unrealistic expectations. Men are constantly confused and exhausted, women are constantly restless and complaining, and nobody is happy. (Making huge generalizations here, but this seems to be the situation this thread is discussing.) In an even broader sense, there is a profound ingratitude throughout society right now for anything good done by men. When everyone is telling me “you don’t need him; in fact, you’re probably better off on your own,” it’s a battle to deny that and to be able to appreciate his unique, masculine ways of taking care of me and our children. Also to be willing to take responsibility for my part in the relationship, to take care of his needs, which are not the same as mine. So it’s no surprise that women who truly love men are rare. But we do exist.